What I have learned.

In no particular order:


1). I can't paint. I love it, I do it often but oh boy, it doesn't look good.

2). I am extremely capable. With everything. Shit gets done on my watch.

3) I have grossly underestimated my running abilities. After tracking my runs I realized that I'm just gonna skip the 5k run altogether and go for the 10k.

4). I am a shameless flirt.

5). This body is NOT meant for rollerblading.

6). I can't stick to a plan to save my life.

7). My kids are HILARIOUS. And not kid funny, like actual funny.

8). Losing 35 pounds wasn't that hard.

9). Losing 250 pounds was even easier.

10). Quitting smoking IS hard...one week down and a lifetime to go.

11). I'm loved.

The pessimist in me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things are almost "to good" right now.

The optimist in me is just enjoying the ride.

Goals-Part Deux

Ah goals. The constant reminders of my fickle nature.

Frankly, I don't know what I was thinking. No dating for a YEAR? I didn't last 2 weeks. Beehives?!?! Really? That idea is the worst, second only to my plans to build a chicken coup in my backyard.

Blogging every day. Well, so far I have managed, however, with family and life and courses and running and home renos....well, needless to say there are not enough minutes in the day.

I choose to look at this as a positive.

Goals can suck it.

Back to the pond.

The other day my kids were watching some shitty kids show. A commercial for eharmony came on. I realized that the online dating gig has come to realize that it's best to advertise during children's programming due to the high volume of lonely single parents out there with nothing better to do but watch shitty programming. I would like to think that I do not fall under that category. My youngest bellows out " YOU SHOULD JOIN" and after I locked her back in her cage I thought about it.

Now, I will never join eharmony after a rather unfortunate ego bruising I received several years ago when a 4'11 hobbit who I am fairly certain was walking around with an extra chromosome said HE wasn't interested in ME! Anyhoo, there are no shortages of cesspools out there to meet some
folks so I said to myself "Hey now, you are living in the now...DO IT!"

This isn't the first time in recent history I have done this but for whatever reason I bailed on it as fast as I joined.

I once knew someone who always tried (and failed) to get me out of my comfort zone. I always resisted as it was so, well, unnatural for me.

Not anymore says she! You know what? I AM going to go rollerblading with the ridiculously muscular meat stack who will likely be horrified with my total lack of grace and ability. I WILL go sailing with the 50 year old widower. Why? Because we have things in common, I'm opening myself up to new experiences, finally getting out of my comfort zone and meeting new friends to share these things with.


I only have one wee life and I intend on living it well.

And if I survive rollerblading I'll get us all pairs and force my kids to do it with me.

And maybe no on the sailing. Especially if his wife died in a sailing related "accident". I can only be so free spirited!

First day of school!

Isn't the first day of school always so magical?

All summer long we don't need to adhere to silly little bedtimes or appropriate snacks for our little darlings that are approved by the school board. Do you have any idea what a huge drag it is to not be late for work due to your little snowflake not being able to find a pair a socks that "feel right"?

Let's face it, my parenting skills take a major shit in the summer. I don't care when they get dressed. I don't have to drive all around the city to dance or gymnastics. Frankly, I don't give a rats ass if they don't eat breakfast! Are they breathing? Yep. Are they on fire? Nope. My job is done.

Now here we are, lunches to be made, constant demands for fund raising, ( Jesus, I don't want any fucking wrapping paper just take my money) wailing about lost shirts and calculators.

Back to school is awesome.......for me to POOP ON!

Happiness

I recently reconnected with an old friend from many years ago. Yesterday he made his way down from the big city to join me in a day of wandering.

First let me say that on our travels we stumbled upon a cured sausage COATED IN PARMESAN CHEESE and considering that cured meat and cheese top my list of favourite things, well, the day was off to a good start.

So, we had our sausage and began our frolic. Walking, driving, taking El Doggo to the river. All in all a lovely day.

Out of nowhere he poses the question "Are you happy?". Now this question came as a bit of a shock given we had spent the better half of 10 hours frolicking and laughing like idiots but he smiled and I knew that this was the time for the deep, philosophical portion of our time together!

We discussed the meaning of happiness and how we are able to reconcile the good and the bad and the downright ugly and move forward.

And of course the topic of my marriage came up

My divorce isn't something I dwell on but rather something I always refer to when the topic of moving forward and finding happiness again comes up. You see, it was by far my greatest learning experience.

That was the time where I lost everything. My home, my husband, any immediate plans for an education and a hell of a lot of money in legal fees. I thought I would die. I thought I was finished.

Hindsight is 20/20. I never lost myself. I always had my children.

What a Goddamned shame it would be to allow the failures to shape our lives rather than the lessons we learned from them. We can't go back in time and changed what happened. Running away to a happier time doesn't bring happiness, it's reflecting on our experiences and learning how to be better human beings that does. It's personal growth and the ability to recognize our weaknesses and take action and not allow ourselves to be stuck in a time that is no longer. How can we possibly be happy and subsequently succeed when we are still reaching for a branch that can not support our weight? Don't get me wrong, we have to go out on a limb from time to time, however, to be happy is the ability to laugh at the broken rib should the branch give way!

I don't have a lot and many could argue that my life is mediocre. I don't desire a life where I "have it all". I'm good with just a few pieces here and there. I have had my fair share of bumps and bruises but I can still genuinely laugh at the day. Things, money, people, they come and go as they please. It's the person I see in the mirror that will be my only guarantee in my life.

What it all came down to, three hours later after too many coffees at 4am, is that we need to be accepting of our pasts, that we need to be content with ourselves, right this moment because for all we know this could be it. We cant confuse this with complacency but we need to be just fine with our lives WHILE taking the steps to improve them. How can we ever achieve actual happiness without first settling into the comfort that is our being? That's the key. Right there.

And I am very happy.

Ps

I couldn't resist overturning a pail of potatoes. Not a lot but the perfect amount for two....ok, maybe three.

Frosh Week

My city is bustling with activity. This is the glorious time of year when all the students return to stake their claim. Underdressed girls and man children infiltrate every last corner of what is fun in the city.

In my defense, I believe I am suffering from PTSD from recently dating one of these folks (see goal 8 in a recent post).

Instead of fighting it I retreated to the safety of a friends house where we spent hours over boiling brine and a mountain of vegetables requiring preparation.

He did the math, long story short a lot of time was put in per jar. I don't care for the equation. I just know that it was a worthy labour of love.