GAHHH!

The past few days haven't been what I would call happy fun Gary days.

I may have inadvertently adopted Satan.

Oh good!

Gary knows how to open the fridge....as well as the drawer that houses the cheese!

My house needs more baby proofing then when there were actual babies in it.

But he is still amazing.

And it starts.

With the exception of an unfortunate exchange with the biggest asshole to sport a chick tattoo as well as a diagnosis of a malignant and inoperable tumor I would say today was pretty good!

We focus on the positive, yes?

Like being excited to plant potatoes!

Good news is that the beginning of garden season is always the most exciting. I am almost as obsessed with it as Gary is with eating my underwear. THAT obsessed.

I find it interesting that I don't document my gardening ventures as much as I do considering my absurd obsession with it. September to April I constantly daydream about sex and May to August my brain is consumed with thoughts of where to plant my coneflower and hateful thoughts of whatever the hell it is that is digging in my beds.

I decided to really document this year. I often forget what I did the year before (as in, what did I do to cause it to fail) but this year I think it's different.

I used to have this hideous carport. Hideous. Last year it all came down and awesome beds were made into what I think is a prime veggie garden spot.

So, on your right you have your corn, zucchini, beans, carrots and garlic. To your left, tomatoes, lettuce, peppers, garlic and carrots. The large pot at the end house my potatoes and I have some cucumbers and watermelons.

At the side the girls were very helpful as they always are and a small bed was planted.

Popcorn, snap peas, onions and more potatoes.

And of course a shit head dog busy destroying a fence board.

Let it begin!!

Ahhh!

A big part of this year was finally getting out and seeing a few places.  I realized that if I were to die tomorrow I would have NUTTIN under my belt in terms of travel.

So I had three ideas.


1.  Throw on a back pack and see something neat.

 As well as stay with a quaint family and have no idea how to communicate with them outside of basic charades.

As well as chill with some local filthy dogs.

Thank you, Peru.



2)  Next up, sit on my behind on a beach and do nothing with my family.

As well as get in a quality family portrait

And an obligatory tanned selfie

Thank you, Cuba.




This leaves Number 3.   Summer road trip to the East Coast.  Time to see some more of Canada.  Still figuring out the logistics but it's high time I grab a map and several tanks of gas and get to it.

Eeeeee!

Fourteen more sleeps and and I'll be on a hot beach with a piña colada in my hand. My only concern being that my teenager doesn't get shmammered and my wee ones don't get eaten by a crocodile. This plus some adult time makes this waaaaay better than any cottage "vacation" where I am still stuck cooking and cleaning.

One massive bonus is that I can tell Gary to fuck off for a week.

It's not that I don't love him. Sure, I'm not thrilled that he eats socks and my awesome underwear. Heck, I can almost forgive the fact that because of him I can now honestly say that I participated in a 5 second three way. *shudder*

It's the barking. Constant.ear.piercing.barking. Bark bark bark.

Bark

Bark

Bark

Barking that even the loudest child on earth can't bear

The good news is that my sweet bathing suit made it safe and sound and he has *almost* redeemed himself by modeling it for me.

March break

Child free week starts NOW!!


I may have just wet myself.

Put a little love in your heart.

I was highly offended when I witnessed Gary eat a sock. A sock that he ate two days before. It wasn't bad enough that he did it the first time. He actually ate something that he POOPED out of his own body. Naturally I couldn't intervene. Yeah, yeah, I know that dogs can end up with a major surgery but that's what dog insurance is for.

Anyhoo...I couldn't believe my eyes and simply can not fathom how any creature would consume such a thing.....until I remembered what I myself ate for lunch the other day...nacho poutine. Poutine with NACHO garbage on it.

I can't help but think a frozen, previously consumed and defecated sock may have been the more sensible choice.