A glass of bourbon

That's what I am.  A glass of bourbon.  But with legs and super hot.

I'm all warm inside and intoxicating.  Yay!  Typically I am not a glass of bourbon.  More like a gin and tonic.  Cold and slightly bitter but still awesome.

I blame Christmas.

And it's soooooo close.  

My Christmas shopping has not gone as smoothly as I had anticipated and yesterday I felt an all too familiar feeling that I had not experienced in well over a year.  Rage.  Just kidding.  I felt two things.  Rage and hatred.

Rage and hatred are two of the most deceiving and useless emotions us silly humanzzz allow ourselves to let in.  With me, my inherent love for exaggeration can make the most trivial thing become that proverbial molehill.  And that's ok because the good news is that when I sit back and think, rage and hatred simply becomes an annoyance and pity.  Two very real and healthy feelings.  Not rage, an exhaustive waste of energy.  Hatred, think about it.  Do you ACTUALLY hate anyone?  I don't.  I feel really sorry for people which can often lead to being taken advantage of.  That "rage" I'm feeling is actually being disappointed and ashamed at myself for allowing myself to be made a fool of again.  Hell hath no fury like the morally superior being had.

Ah the feelings that feel the feelers.

So the other day I was once again reminded of how fleeting life is.  And fragile.  Healthy folks can have their lives taken on a dime and while this simply isn't fair it is also without prejudice and can come without a shred of warning.   My own mortality is often at the back of my mind.  (But thanks, Martin, for that ciggie!) and that scares me.  But what scares me most is the idea that I have wasted minutes of this life of mine on things that do not matter when I have so much in front me.

Like the Sunday night potluck

HOMEMADE RAMEN!!!!

Chatter and good food always puts things into perspective.  Being around healthy, kind and interesting folks always serves as a reminder of how lucky we are.   So, rage and hatred annoyance and pity have been replaced with Christmas wrapping WHICH IS THE BEST PART and Christmas Cheer and feelings of pure gratitude for this wonderful life o' mine.

I'm a glass of Bourbon.

Just Kidding!

Maybe I don't love last minute Christmas shopping.

Ok.  To be fair, it's a Sunday before Christmas and I had just foolishly had a stupid text disagreement but I swear, that asshole at Walmart deserved my harsh words.

I will never understand why people feel the need to bully 15 year old, overwhelmed check out kids.  Gads.  Drives me nuts.  The good news is that I was able to project my irritation at the aforementioned douche text spat at this real life douche.  It felt good, not gonna lie!

Anyway, between figuring out what the hell to bring to dinner tonight (thanks Mr. D. for saving my ass on this one), trying to decide what kind of flowers to send a friend who was so cruelly diagnosed with the bad kind of cancer right before Christmas AND not having a clue what to get my lovely "tween" daughter and feeling hopeless with my shopping I came upon this.....

The greatest gift fit for my mother in law in the history of the world.

 Mouston Fucking Abbey, Yo!

What??!  Crocheted MICE made into a book a la her favourite teevee show ever!  AH-MAZING.  

Christmas Miracle!

Rah Rah!!!

There is something so outrageously soothing about a no plan Saturday.  Crocheting beside the lovely Christmas Tree while drinking a latte and watching the snow fall.

I'm 80 years old.  And totally ok with that.

Holy Hell!

I will be free of all parental responsibility in less than 24 hours... for an entire weeeeeek!

I gotta say this full time work from home gig is ah-mazing.  Not only am I getting a ton of work done I have been forced to become fairly organized AND have learned to install a bunch of shit all by myselviess.  It has also taken a ton of pressure and stress off my life and I actually feel like a lady of luxury while still toiling about like a working poor slug.  It's amazing.

So, after the whole Gary + fridge + Lindor chocolate X three boxes + a chicken carcass I FINALLY put on the baby latch on the fridge.  This provides peace of mind so that I can go out and grab myself an outrageously expensive caloric disaster in the form of an eggnog latte and putter about the mall.  Filled with moral superiority as I watch crusty grumps piss about as I enjoy every minute of the cheap Christmas Carols, over spending and over heated joy that it is the mall.


12 more sleeps!!!

yay!!!

Christmas tree decorated?   Check
National Lampoons Christmas vacation/swisschalet tradition complete?  Check
Christmas baking done?   Check


GAHHHH   I am so pumped for this year.

Now, I haven't really started my shopping.  Good news is I am one of the rare souls who LOVES Christmas shopping in mall with all the busy.

I've also decided to semi devote myself to winter sports.  By winter sports I mean ATVing and tobogganing.

Now I just need to find an ATV and a toboggan.


YAY!!!!

Whoda thunk it!

I just realized something.

Taking the tv out of your bedroom
+No longer smoking ciggies or funzies
+Eating well
+Excessive laughter
+Family
+Roller derby
+Financial clarity
+Quality cheese
+Regular cardio and strength training
+Crafts

= The key to happiness and fulfilment

36 and finally got it.

I think this picture is worth repeating.

In other, derby related news...I *think* I have finally come up with my derby name "No Impulse Control"
Might as well put my best worst quality to work.

Yep

I could spend about a million hours tooting my own horn.  There really is no end to how awesome I am at everything.  I'm an amazing mother, outstanding cook, terrific girlfriend, compassionate pet owner.  Funny, attractive, smart, financially independent and just a generally well rounded lassie.  Pretty much the  best person ever.

But I am grossly disorganized.

Like really.

Like the time I messed up and went into work and saw the big empty bin there, waiting for me to pack up all my shit and leave.  Pretty much the most lacklustre escape from the office life in recorded history.

Or the time I forgot everything and the world exploded.


And then I get a wee bit stressed and have a nice hot relaxing bath followed by a foot rub and decide to rearrange all the furniture.

Have you ever asked your self how many times a person can move a piano in one evening before they can be considered certifiably insane?  Good news!  I have the answer.  Four.  Moving your piano four times in one night makes you bat shit crazy

But...

IT'S AWESOME!!!!!    My living room is sooooo cozy now.  AND yesterday was my favourite person's birthday so I whipped up a spinach/ricotta cheese/chicken manacotti(remember how amazing I am) followed by an apple pecan puff pastry dessert and fled to the nursery.  This year I splurged on the most beautiful tree in the world and my living room smells divine.

Now that derby is in the offseason I will fill that slot with kettle ball class until I can slip back into my skates.

Everything is accounted for.

Now I just need that cat to make it all complete.