All the likes!

I love derby and I really dig Montreal so  naturally I'm pretty fucking excited to be playing my very first derby tournament IN Montreal!

I'm still very much at that point where I don't have a goddamned clue what I'm doing.  I just look for my teammates and hold on tight.  I still hit my own jammer out and I depend 100% on what everyone else tells me.

It doesn't matter.

I'm pumped.

So pumped I bought these...

Cause yeah, chica bomb hot shorts.

so.many.feelings

It's a pretty good thing I didn't quit the derbs in one of my greatest moments of self defeat. If I HAD quit I never would have received the greatest emails of my LIFE (2 days later, I might add). An email that literally made me burst into tears.  An email I can not stop looking at.

You guessed it!  The email telling me that I was drafted to a home team.

I'm a TRAMP!!

The excitment and confusion  was quickly replaced with utter fear.   

Fear that I need headshots which means I have to face the camera.....and smile.  ugh

Fear that the derby name I have chosen, while AWESOME is one that my children may repeat to their teachers and may NOT provide further explanation.

Fear that I have to play in front of people.  This concern is only slightly eased with the knowledge that my first half dozen games or so will be out of town, out of Province, and thankfully, out of Canada.

Fear that I'm that much closer to breaking something.

When I'm not afraid I'm overwhelmed which leads the way to my most familiar of feelz-Inadequacy.    Many of my teammates are 6ft tall or over.  And they are fit as balls.   One can deadlift 300lbs.  They all know what they are doing on the track.  I'm a shorty who, despite her greatest effort is NOT fit as balls and can only deadlift 150lbs.  Also...how the fuck do you play roller derby?!?!

Having said all of these things I am also living with a feeling I am not all too familiar with.  I'm actually PROUD of myself. 

I never gave up.

 

I gave it my best. 

And it paid off.

Hrumph

I think it's time I break up with derby.  I'm tired and old and hurty and frustrated and can't think, for the life of me WHY I'm doing it.


If derby was a boyfriend I would tell myself to dump the everloving shit out of that unhealthy relationship and never look back.

Not only that, it takes time out of my real life.  Important time like crocheting this magnificent beast while watching hours of HD Vietnam war footage.

Ugh.  February can go suck a dick

I'm just gonna leave this here.

I know it's cliche but seriously, letting go of bullshit and reservations and just getting to it might be just about the bestest, most radest thing on the planet.

Seriously.

It works out.

Back at it.

Ok.  I'm a few weeks ahead of schedule but I simply couldn't take it any longer.   I feared the longer I was offskates the greater the chance that I would never return.

So, some new gaskets for my knees, repaired toe stops and a greater awareness of my new wheels and off I went.

AND IT WAS AWESOME!

Two months off and I managed to gain a lap AND skate a full lap from a full stop in 11 seconds.


Everything is coming up Christie!


Now, if I can only learn to knit socks my life will be complete.

There is ALWAYS an upside.

Thank Jesus for Netflix marathons during times like these.

It's a real pleasure sitting on the couch with these guys.

Only four more weeks!

All the sad feelzz

Ah boy.


I should have known that my sprain was worse than I led myself to believe.  I have been offskates now for 5 weeks.  A meniscus tear equals another 6 weeks off skates and no gardening..  Instead of taking this time to  foster relationships, read and give myself pedicures I have decided to make paper beads.  Which is great on account of the fact that I have absolutely NO use for the million paper beads I have made.  Sure my house reaks of polyeurathan and I'm pretty sure the kids are now addicted to solvants but hey, my hands are busy AND I made this amazing bead drying rack out of garbage I found in my shed.  I'm so clever!

So obviously I'm losing it.


Yeah, less bead making and more fostering relationships, pedicures, reading and filling my derby time with something equally rad.  


But jesus...do I ever miss my skates.  And fuck me...I was so goddamned close.