CHEEEEESE

I swear smoked gouda is almost better when I am sick.

I lied

Blah.

Dear God

I get it. Patrick Swayze died. Boo hoo. There I cried and I am sad. Now can you PLEASE make the incessant She's Like the Wind plays on the radio stop?!? Like NOW? I swear to you that if I go one solid week without hearing this fucking song I will remain chaste for an entire year.......retroactively of course.

Your Friend,

Christie.

Home reno

As I try to dig myself out of this existentialist fog I seem to have been floating in this past year I am becoming more and more aware of everything that has crumbled around me. Not sure what is worse, to be honest. The clogged drain in the bathroom that I have neglected...until last night when I decided that hell or high water would not prevent me from fixing the problem. Long story short, I broke the plug and now there is no more pretty drain..just a deep black hole filled with unimaginable horrors. I look at my pile of jeans that are far more snug then I ever remembered them to be and this is just as much of a mystery to me as why it has come to pass that icecream actually tastes BETTER than it ever has before. I let my kids eat their breakfast in front of the tele...at one point this was an unforgivable offense. Now I am just too tired to argue. Where the hell am I going with this?

Oh yeah. I think I snapped out of it last night. I think. I woke up with my usual inflated sense of self worth. I told my daughter I was right because, well, I am always right (actually, I think I may have been wrong). Anyhoo...good times.

Later, Bitches!

Date

Him:

Attractive
Fit
Tall
Successful
Funny
Smart
Full chest and arms covered in tattoos that were hidden by his shirt (I hoped)
Well read
Great smile


Me:

Wondering why I bothered to flat iron my hair and get a babysitter.

Dear Hideous Troll at Stanley Park Zehrs

I just wanted to thank you for being a class act. I knew the moment I saw you walking up to me wearing your charming t-shirt (see below) that I was in for a real treat. You didn't disappoint. Yes, thank you, I know I have a nice behind and it is a real shame indeed that you didn't see it before I got into the habit of eating 15 dozen Drumstick icecreams a week. You think I am "real hot"? YES! Me too! Holy socks, you should see me when I have actually showered, laundered my clothes and put on makeup. The best part of the whole thing was the fact that you actually thought that ANY of this was an appropriate discussion to have IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN.

ps-if I see you again and you have the fucking nerve to tell my kids that you will get them whatever they want I am going to pull your ponytail and kick you in the cock.





Hey there!

Maybe Andy did it?

Dates with friends are the best. Wednesday afternoon Jenny (thanks for the ticket m'love!), Dan (thanks for the previous Leonard Cohen ticket!) and I boarded the mighty greyhound with a bag of semi warm Coors Lights and made our way to Toronto to see U2. Traffic was fucked. I think it took about 3.5 hours to get there. I typically try to avoid bus johns but after a large coffee and several beers I had to grin and bear it. Sorry RimMan for slapping you in the face but really, you could have been friendlier about it. Anyhoo...FINALLY made it (missed SnowPatrol) and considering we started out with shitty tickets we actually made it to about 30-40 feet center stage. I was right behind a group of rather burly doodes who were not having it when folks tried to make their way closer to the stage so there were a few moments where I honestly thought I would going to get punched by accident. I thought at one point that Jenny grabbed my boob...I asked later and confirmed that she did not. What I did love though was her very matter of fact reply "No, maybe Andy did it". HAHAHA..Jenny, for the record...if your boyfriend ever cups my spectacular breasts and gives them a squeeze I might request a spicier response! So, who the hell knows who copped a feel. F-ing pigs.

I ate just about the best street meat in the world even though there was not a hot pepper or saurkraut in sight. I am still thinking about it.

So that's that!