Sweet, sweet vacation

I knew that new wheels + loosened trucks could potentially mean trouble.   I shouldn't have been surprised that the end result was xrays.

The good news is that nothing was broken and that this facilitated a diagnosis of a minor concussion sustained the week before.   The bad news is that if the swelling doesn't go down I will have to have my knee drained...which is pretty much the creepiest thing I have ever heard.  

Anyway...this has put a bit of a wrinkle in my holiday plans as I had earmarked this week as a working holiday.  Many things I have neglected due to my new "don't give a shit about the little things" attitude.   My yard is baaaad...like I'm surprised they haven't called the city on me.   Long story short,  I have done exactly nothing but receive breakfast in bed and plow through The Mindy Project.  Tis only Tuesday, afterall.  Still have many days to catch up.  Until then I'm leaving it to the paid professionals.

And then?   Saturday?  MUSKOKA!!!! 

A glorious week away from it all.  Where a mere 30 feet separates me  from the deck and the lake.   Muskoka is my most bestest favouritist place to go.  Ever.  For realzies.   Quiet.  Lake.  Chocolate for breakfast.  Reading.  And most importantly....relaxing and recharging.


I might just explode.

The only downside of course is that I'm missing out on two weeks of training and a week of practice though I wont miss being forced to be a jammer, hammering her way between 5 vets who barely feel the hits.  I'm kinda hoping that next week I am bitten by a radioactive spider, allowing me to acquire super strength.

But I'm not optimistic.

*scowl*

This is kind of what Wednesday night league practices are like for me..

Anyhoo...I'm off tonight as I managed to smash my head into the rink on Monday's practice.  So I'm dealing with some mobility issues with my neck and I'm eating Advil.   I'm pissy and moody and sore and DERBY IS THE WORST!!ELEVENTY!!.  Naturally I've decided to bail on minimums testing again.  I want another FreshMeat session.  I am not prepared for the full league.

 
It's scary.
It's hurty.
It takes time away from my family.
It takes time away from my friends.
It makes long term dating almost impossible.  

And bruises like this make a 9 to 5 desk job VERY uncomfortable

I think that if I were younger and had a lot less going on I could manage.  But league means even more of a time commitment.   I don't know if I can/want to make that much more of a commitment.


*sigh*

On the other hand...


It makes my heart happy.
It clears my brain.
It sometimes makes me proud of myself.
I really enjoy the folks I practice with.
I really really love that feeling of FINALLY figuring out a skill.
I car Karaoke the entire ride home.
It might be the one of the best things I have done just for myself just because I could.


GAHHHH!!!!!!   Where is my life coach?!!?!?

Oh those glorious wins.

Ok.  Failing minimums is not exactly a win.   But it was for me.

This is the test.

http://wftda.com/resources/wftda-minimum-skill-requirements.pdf

Now, the 27 laps in 5 minutes is for Charter so us Freshmeat are only expected to get 25.

The first round of Freshmeat I passed all derby skills like pack work, hits, jumps which was pretty rad.....but I may have blown every skating skill (remember, I had never worn skates before)

This time?   The only things holding me back were 1.5 laps (bout 288 feet) , some sharking and those goddamned pylons I had to weave through.  My tstops also suck balls but I just got the feel of them and that certainly didn't break me.

AND THAT'S SO FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!

My only goal this time was to finish and to improve.  Not only did I finish I shattered all of my expectations.  Not only that, the trainers have told me to challenge these minimums in a month as they are certain I can pass.

So yeah, I pretty much died of the happy and the feels.

That was fun

The other day I did four things.

1). Relinquished custody of my children
2). Got a realitor
3). Cleared out some shares
4). Vigorously looked for a kibbutz to join.


And I meant business.

Aaaaaaannd now I don't.


The good news is that my ex husband is a rock star and was overwhelmingly supportive, encouraging and sympathetic.

The bad news is that I now have a really pushy real estate agent I need to get rid of as well as really puffy eyes and a bad headache.

I don't think that kind of reaction, while certainly a long time coming, is in anyway shape or form a reasonable reaction to anything but maaaybe a Zombie Apocalypse.   And it's pretty much the shittiest feeling in the world.  Afterall, losing all hope, even if for only a day or two guts ya.


That was a really aggressive reminder that I NEED  to start taking care of myself, always.


What better way to start back on the path of happiness then to make sure I see my doctor asap complete The 30 Days of Bad Decisions challenge.   My life path is not empty and meaningless.  My life path is TO COMPLETE THIS MAGICAL CHALLENGE and document it.



Finally, out of nowhere....purpose.  

The perils of overthinking in the derby world.

So last night was my first, full on regular league practice.


um

There were a few times where I actually thought the evening was going to end in me in the back of an ambulance.   For realz.


I PROMISE I am not being all "waaaaa....I suck....blah blah blah"   But the moment I have three highly skilled derby vets stampeding towards me with a blood thirsty glare you can bet your ass that I'm skating the fuck away as fast as my untrained feet will take me.  Unfortunately, for the purpose of that particular drill, my objective as the blocker was to block and most certainly NOT to run away.  But seriously folks, running away like a cowardly child was the only intelligent choice when put head to head with the only other option of a broken collar bone.  Of course, running away just isn't enough.  I also had to yelp and then belly flop on the floor.

I just want to stay in the corner and practice transitions.

Easy peasy. I'm gonna do it like I have been told repeatedly.

Step one, lead with foot.  Step Two, spread eagle with other and switch directions.  Step Three, gracefully land with starting foot.  Step Four, finish off with a beautiful tomahawk.  

Annnnd GO!  

Attempt #1

Step One-lead with foot.  Step Two, spread ea....gah....this feels weird.  Step Three-fall on your knees.  Step Four- be told you are over thinking the process.  Again.

OK.  I think I have this this time.

Attempt #2

Step One-lead with foot
Step Two-Spread eagle zomigodz I did it I DID IT!!!!  ACK!  What's next?!
Step Three-fall on tail bone.
Step Four-have another vet tell me I'm over thinking.


Time to take another approach.  Close my eyes and go for it.

Attempt #3

Step One Two Three Four.    Give er.

Step 5.  Fall badly.  Pretend it didn't hurt.

Attempt #4#5#6#7 etc etc

Fall fall fall

Attempt #40 and on....

Got it.  Finally.

Back to the pack.

Elbowed, punched in the kidneys.  Trampled.  What are the rules again?!   Transitioning on your own is one thing, transitioning while going full speed is a whole other ball of wax.  Down I went, 6 derby girls on top of me.

Over thinking every move.

And then it hit me.  I have nothing to live for!     When I reflect and when I really break things down I realize that not only have I based my life on  humiliating myself  I have no real skill set or qualities that make me an important part of this world.   I am totally disposable!  In fact, if I were to die in a freak, derby related accident that's actually the best case scenario!  I die happy AND my kids get an insurance pay out.......so what am I worried about?!?!


I just need to go for it!   This is one of those times where the worse case scenario is actually the best case scenario.    I think I have finally won this round.


Now if I can remember to keep my tits to the track I might hit my 25 in 5.

Oh yeah

There is nothing I love more than cooking for myself.   It seems to have been forever since I spent some time in the kitchen, listening to music and focusing just on cooking.  No rush.

No- "I don't likes"

No -"when is dinner going to be ready"

No- " well you should really try this"


Just me.  Listening to music, singing along.  Pretty much the best ever.


I rifled around my fridge and sadly there were no 3 pound tbone steaks but there WAS a fist full of glorious asparagus and as we ALL know the only universal truth is that asparagus is the greatest vegetable in the world.   In season Ontario asparagus?!  I died.


I happened upon this recipe.  Now, I am a HUGE fan of creamed spinach on French toast so I knew I was in for it.   So bloody simple and plain but just about the most magnificent thing I have ever tasted IN MY LIFE!  And everyone knows how much I hate exaggerating.

I pretty much came in my own mouth.

And the next time I make it there will be freshly grated parm and crisped up prosciutto....and then I will die.

WHYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!

Why have I waited 36 years to discover the glory that is folk and blues.

I just can't even go on.   It's just sooo good.  I can't get enough.

So yeah, I think I need to buy a guitar and learn this shit.