The children are our future.

I hope my children grow up to be just.like.her.

sigh

If I get one more crappy email forward I might burst into a flaming ball of rage.

I don't mind the funny pet pictures, or the awesome test answers thing. In fact, I am a huge fan of those. What I can't take anymore of are the Amber Alerts, half naked men and the "You Know You are a Mom When." poorly written forwards designed to make someone laugh. I would like to think that anyone who knows me enough to email me know that I am NOT a fan, in fact there have been hours devoted to emails between my sister and I discussing how and why they are so terrible.

I am pretty much 100% sure that there not a single record of ANYONE being the unfortunate recipient of bad luck as a result of not forwarding "A Real Friend Will....".

A lovely am gift.

This morning I went out to look at my garden and I was greeted with not one, but two dead birds. My cat loves me so.

I am slowly becoming that crazy lawn person (look up my Dad in the dictionary for a full definition). I can't bear to do a rough calculation of how much dough I have spent on my "gardens" over the years. What is so tragic about this hobby of mine is that I am TERRIBLE at it. Imagine a fisherman who is so bad he uses a baseball bat for bait. I am THAT terrible. Not only am I terrible I am also waaaaaay too ambitious. BUT...I just finished planting my veggie garden! It looks spectacular!

The May 24 has come and gone.

There is no other holiday, with the exception of Christmas, that makes me more excited then the long weekend. This year I had the cutest couple in the world and one hell of a cook stay with me for the weekend and I had a small shindig on Friday. The rest of the weekend was devoted to R&R. Lots of awesome food, drinks, chats, gardening and watching Carl run through my neighbours tulips. Ugh, he is the reason people hate cats. Actually, *I* am the reason people hate cats.

Oooh yeah!

Guess who I am seeing tomorrow? You guessed it! LEONARD!

God Bless her.

I can appreciate that she is not as eloquent as Miss South Carolina but she is certainly a worthy contender.

Meanness to Children

The other day I was between grocery shopping and dropping/picking up kids from dance. I was making really good time and for the first time in a little while I wasn't feeling the pinch of the clock. In fact, I was feeling rather Sunny! I turned the corner and out of the corner of my eye I saw this kid, 7, 8 years old sitting in the passenger seat of some super expensive type of car that generally pisses me off. The little shit makes the ugliest face at me, like if looks could kill kind of thing. Now, if I were in my typical rush, or, I was a lot more mature I would have brushed it off. Unfortunately for that little bastard it was my lucky day. I drove about 20 feet past the car and stopped. I then proceeded to turn around and s-l-o-w-l-y drive by the car. I brought out a receipt and a pen and pretended to write down the license plate number. Wheee! What a rush! Who would have thought that this could be such fun! With my need for revenge not yet satisfied I did one more little turn about and passed her again. So.awesome.

I think this is one of those things that I should feel badly about.

Spring!

SPRING!!!!!!!!!


It's here!

Of all the piggies to get....

....I get the nocturnal ones.

I actually did quite a bit of research on the little bad boys. All the reading I did assured me that Guinea pigs are diurnal. Why and how, for the love of God, did I end up with not one, but THREE nocturnal little bastards?!?! Yes, yes....they are babies and a little scared of their new surroundings and the constant yelling of the children. There may have been an unfortunate incident involving Carl the cat falling into their cage, further perpetuating the profound fear they surely feel. Did I mention that my baby girl also happened to pick one of the loudest little fuckers in the history of the cavy world?

Oh yeah, one of them seems to have contracted a nice eye infection! I can't WAIT for the vet bill!

Why do I do this to myself?

Ohhhh yeah!

Check out this masterpiece!

I will admit, I got a little carried away. I am not sure the little critters will actually need a multi level pad at this point. It was just so much fun! I have agreed to keep them in the living room for a week. Then, down to the basement they go.

I really am quite a talent.

Just shoot me.

Why?

How do these scripts even make it this far? These types of movies are a fucking insult to my intelligence.

Blah.