Fall is just around the corner!

One of the problems with setting goals is that you actually need to work to achieve them! Even the little ones like blogging every day can be a challenge, especially heading into a busy weekend. So here I am, first thing in the morning, plugging away.

I find this time year, as we move into Fall to be sooo blissfully romantic as well as calming and peaceful. I have never viewed the dying back of the summer perennials to be a sad occasion but rather an opportunity to clear them out and get ready for the new ones of next year. Perhaps a metaphor for my life, a constant changing of the seasons, not to be considered as an end, but as an opportunity to realize what I want, what I need and most importantly what makes me happy.

I look forward to digging out my peonies and replanting them because the first time around I was in such a hurry that I planted them carelessly, only to find that they have never bloomed.

I have FINALLY realized that there is simply no hope for a veggie garden down the side of my yard. Not enough sun, as simple as that. Not sure why I have spent 5 years fighting something I simply have no control over. I simply need to replace the failed cucumbers and peppers with grapes and daisies. Things I love and that I know will flourish.

I realize that my interests are considered pedestrian at best by most. I imagine the most sophisticated scholar and worldly traveller would look down on my little life here. Thing is, I consider myself so incredibly fortunate that I am not driven by money, the need to run away to every
Country or worse, driven by a career. Don't get me wrong, I plan to travel, modestly climb the corporate rungs but I'm not foolish enough to think that this is what will bring me peace and satisfaction.

It's playing in the dirt, a skill I mastered when I was 5.

It's clearing out the old messes and failures of this seasons garden. Digging out and enjoying the very successful potatoes and cabbages and most of all making way for a new and beautiful garden that I will no doubt be absolutely tickled about, after a long, cold and seemingly endless winter.

This is what it's all about.

Saying goodbye.

I have been extremely fortunate in my life so far, having experienced very little loss. Sure I have had my wee ripples but nothing that amounts to more than a blip on my radar once the dust settled.

I do question whether or not this has been beneficial.

For 15 years the only single constant in my life is my orange SOB, Cecil. Cecil came into my life out of nowhere and while he has caused his fair share of grief (not to mention expensive vet bills) I can honestly say that he has been one of my greatest decisions. He has been there each time a new baby was born, put a hole in my wedding dress an hour before the service and stood firmly at my side while I sobbed at the end of my marriage. He has lived everywhere I have in my adult life and has made himself more a part of the family than just "the cat".

But he's old. And decisions have to be made. Today we had another quick trip to the vet and I had prepared the kids for the possibility that he would not be returning. You see, while I am a huge proponent for euthanasia I simply don't know WHEN the time is right. We know he's becoming senile, we know he's arthritic and we know he's old....but is HE ok with that? Some new medication, some new food has bought him another 2 months. At that point, as the vet gently said, we will have to look at the other unfortunate option.

Until then I will enjoy him. Forgive his need to dump over my drinks and to eat my food when I am not looking, and to always give him a pet as he sleeps on my cabbages that simply do not stand a chance.

Goals

It's good to have goals, says Captain Obvious.

Here are my goals, for my 36th year, in no particular order:

1. Blog every day. No one reads this and I could likely include a full on box shot, but I enjoy it, so there.

2. Quit smoking for realzies. My mom just lost one of her oldest friends to lung cancer. How many more hints do I need?---hmmm...I wonder if Dan still give me $100 to quit.....

3. Register for a 5k. Actually, this is in the works so I am not sure I should even include it.

4. Spend 2 weeks in another country ( again-already in the works)

5. Train for a 25k. A tall order but I have all year.

6. Drop 5k of debt.

7. Start keeping bees. This one might be the biggest challenge. It ain't easy finding second hand bee hives.

8. I will not date anyone who is still breast feeding. Actually, NO dating. This is MY year.

9. Be fabulous. Well, I already am but it's good to have a head start!

Hmmm

It's funny. We go through rather sullen periods where for whatever reason we force ourselves to be happy. We can kid ourselves into thinking that our current project or outing with the family is fun, only to return home, feeling empty and sad when we take off that feeble excuse for a mask.

Then, out of absolutely nowhere you find yourself smiling at the mounting yardwork, genuinely laughing at the randomness of the day, and making plans again.

And the very best part is that you can't even find that silly mask you were hiding behind.

I gotta say that it doesn't hurt living with little people who make homemade slingshots and fire at close range. Worry not, the swimming goggles will protect all! Haha

And the Mother of the Year Award goes to me once again!

When I was a wee girl rules were rather simple.  Be home when the street lights came on, don't do drugs and don't talk to strangers.  Easy peasy.

These days it's a little more complicated.  Or not, if you are an attentive parent.

I don't love the idea of my 8 year old having an email account. I myself just recently bought an iPhone so clearly I about as challenged as they come. That being said, when said 8 year old asks to play with my phone so that she can Pop the Frog (a game I myself have become quite addicted to) I think nothing of it. Little did I know the little imp decided to use her time to EMAIL MY EXBOYFRIEND!

Let me just say that while I'm impressed that it took her about 5 minutes to figure out something that took me a week I am still a little bit concerned.

It's kinda crazy that I had to add, to the list of rules....don't email random men. Eeesh.

Then she gave me this gift with instructions to wear the flower behind my ear which I have done so proudly.


L

The last night.

Just sitting here on the deck overlooking the lake, listening to Roy Orbison and playing word games on my phone.

The s'mores have been eaten, the girls tucked in and the campfire is out.


This has got to be the best feeling in the world.

To Whom it May Concern,

Can the world PLEASE stop making tragic, painfully stupid movies for children that make me wish death on the hero?!

For example, my kids are currently watching Alvin and the Chipmunks- The Squeakuak.  Believe it or not, I actually took them to movies and spent about $80.00 to see one of the biggest pieces of shit in cinematic history.


Less total bullshit and more Spiderwick.


Your friend,


Christie

Self reflection

Recently I was forced into a rather unexpected time of self reflection.  A series of events unfolded rather dramatically before my eyes sending me into a quite a turmoil.  No, I am not referring to a recent breakup (though I must say his timing was impeccable!) but rather an accidental meeting.

Anyhoo....here I am, once again reevaluating what my next step is in this crazy little world I was dropped into without my permission.

The funny thing about emotional turmoil is how amusingly emotional it is!  I consider myself a fairly reasonable person (unless of course I lose a pencil-that's when I lose my shit) but for the big stuff, man, can I ever turn into one narcissistic moron!  Obviously *I* am the only person who has suffered and no one out there has ever had it as badly as I do.  Let's keep in mind that I have wonderful children, wonderful friends, my own home and I'm gainfully employed AND my tits are still fucking awesome!  So this leads me to ponder why on Earth I would let little hiccups down the road throw me into a tailspin!

About a year and a half ago, after meeting someone who I honestly thought at the time was "the one" I decided to start a fund to support a most fabulous vacation as a grand surprise for him.  (that's right, Bitches, I am an awesome girlfriend!.....if not clearly a sucker!).

That didn't work out, other shit happened, yadda yadda ,  which made me start really asking myself why I am so dissatisfied.  And it occurred to me , with a lot of help, that I have spent the better half of my life working to make someone else happy, putting my life on hold for the sake of someone else.  This is a good idea in theory, however, it simply doesn't work when the effort it put forth on someone who is simply incapable of returning the favor.    

So here I was, lamenting my poor relationship choices, the fact that I never went to university, the fact that I never travelle.........wait a minute!  I have that magical vacation fund!!!

So guess who is clearing that fund out and taking her sorry ass to Thailand for weeks over Christmas?

MEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I can't think of a single soul out there more deserving of my generosity!

sigh

Ever have one of "those dates"?   Not the shitty kind , but the REALLY good kind?

I don't want to admit to being a romantic and I sure as shit shouldn't be going on any dates right now.


But my word, do I ever love the butterflies!



Anywho......off to wash blue paint off of my dumb dog who clearly can't read WET PAINT signs.