Self reflection

Recently I was forced into a rather unexpected time of self reflection.  A series of events unfolded rather dramatically before my eyes sending me into a quite a turmoil.  No, I am not referring to a recent breakup (though I must say his timing was impeccable!) but rather an accidental meeting.

Anyhoo....here I am, once again reevaluating what my next step is in this crazy little world I was dropped into without my permission.

The funny thing about emotional turmoil is how amusingly emotional it is!  I consider myself a fairly reasonable person (unless of course I lose a pencil-that's when I lose my shit) but for the big stuff, man, can I ever turn into one narcissistic moron!  Obviously *I* am the only person who has suffered and no one out there has ever had it as badly as I do.  Let's keep in mind that I have wonderful children, wonderful friends, my own home and I'm gainfully employed AND my tits are still fucking awesome!  So this leads me to ponder why on Earth I would let little hiccups down the road throw me into a tailspin!

About a year and a half ago, after meeting someone who I honestly thought at the time was "the one" I decided to start a fund to support a most fabulous vacation as a grand surprise for him.  (that's right, Bitches, I am an awesome girlfriend!.....if not clearly a sucker!).

That didn't work out, other shit happened, yadda yadda ,  which made me start really asking myself why I am so dissatisfied.  And it occurred to me , with a lot of help, that I have spent the better half of my life working to make someone else happy, putting my life on hold for the sake of someone else.  This is a good idea in theory, however, it simply doesn't work when the effort it put forth on someone who is simply incapable of returning the favor.    

So here I was, lamenting my poor relationship choices, the fact that I never went to university, the fact that I never travelle.........wait a minute!  I have that magical vacation fund!!!

So guess who is clearing that fund out and taking her sorry ass to Thailand for weeks over Christmas?

MEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I can't think of a single soul out there more deserving of my generosity!