Parenting (or laziness) personified.

A wee while back an ex boyfriend called me a shitty mom. It stung until I shook my head, considered the source and the fact that the both of us forgot we were adults during a needlessly volatile breakup. This allowed my over inflated ego to take over and squash all thoughts of insecurity surrounding my parenting styles....until today.

It's Halloween. Kids love Halloween! Especially mine who are under the grossly misinformed impression that I am some kind of health nut who NEVER allows her little darlings the luxury of treats. What can I say, my approach for this time of year is to let them eat it until it's gone. Smarties for breakfast? Have at it. The sooner it's gone the better. They can eat it till they are sick for all I care....after all, the greedy little shits worked for it.

Having said this, it's cold and rainy this time around. The thought of wrangling a bunch of cold, wet kids, half of whom are pissing and moaning while the rest want to soldier on makes me iwant to slit my wrists.

My solution? BAIL!

So, I got to work preparing a Halloween candy hunt and the kids ravaged the house like a pack of zombies in search of bloody flesh.

So, here I am, a shitty Mom, curled up with her healthy, dry and warm girls while all dressed up, watching Halloween movies and eating the 50 bucks worth of candy I grabbed to compensate for the lack of trick or treating. The best part is there are no shitty coupons or pennies or toffee kisses to throw out!

Life is all good....and my reputation as the best Mom ever is still intact.

A review

Move over, printing press, Apple TV is now the most amazing invention ever.

So, after finding a nice sum of money (seriously, when does this ever happen?) I decided to actually be remotely responsible with it but left back just enough to treat myself.

My jeans are officially creamed.

I can't stress enough how useless I am at anything requiring a plug and computers. It took me about 2 hours ti figure out how to hook up the Xbox AND connect it to the wi fi.....and I was over the moon with my accomplishment. So you can only imagine my sheer delight that within minutes of simply plugging it in I was all set up to go!

Seriously.

It even has the cutest little remote.

And current movie trailers.

Marry Me, Apple TV

My baking senses are tingling....

That and I sense I'm being challenged.

I fucking HATE candy corn. Gross. But I can't believe how flipping cute candy corn COOKIES are.

So, my friend ( who happens to be a fabulous cook and baker) told me that these cookies are a huge pain in the ass/massive disappointment.

And this is where my competitive streak kicks in....just in time for my Halloween party!

I'm gonna spend the next few days perfecting these cookies.

Something Ain't Right

I have forgotten how needy Cecil can be. Now that there is no dog for him to compete with he will.not.leave.me alone.

And it's pissing me off.


AND WHY am allowing this cat to sleep on top of all of the pillows while I get a single decorative pillow?

His back rubs aren't even that good.

Cecil

There are some nights where my boy looks just like a kitten.

Breaking a sweat over here.

So flipping busy knitting and watching Breaking Bad. Left the house only once to purchase more seasons. One of those crazy days where I was too busy to eat. And it's all good.

Behold, my breakfast, lunch AND dinner. Blue cheese stuffed olives, havarti, sun dried tomatoes, adjvar and some other stuffs. This is about to become the greatest night of my life.

Ahhhh

Fall. How it makes me happy!

So many folks are SO pissy about the Fall. Not this girl! Nothing puts an extra swing in me than bringing out the sweaters, curling up and knitting and unapologetically eating everything I want. I am quite confident that I am half bear. By November I am a fat, hairy, lazy beast. And I fucking love it.

That being said, the new "rational" me will be a little more reasonable. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of shaving my armpits on a regular basis, however, I will set some goals to get out of the house in the winter.

In the true spirit of my obsessive list making I'll make a list of my "to do"s for the upcoming colder days.


1). Go tobogganing at least twice. Once with the girls and once with buds.

2). Run once a week. I'm not totally delusional, there's no bloody way I'll keep up with my current routine. But I don't want to totally lose the habit.

3). Go on a cheesy Christmas tour in a horse drawn wagon. I have only been twice and I just loved it.

4). Buy snowshoes and go. I remember going with my dad as a wee girl. I might hate it now....but I'm hoping I simply forgot how awesome it was.

5). Be fabulous

Yep. That's a solid list. The rest of my time will be devoted to knitting, Breaking Bad and cheese.

Best day EVER!

If it was opposite day, that is.

I have a tendency not to listen. It's just my thang. Thing is, it never serves me well. So, I suppose the happenings of yesterday should not have come as a surprise.

About 3 months ago I was told that I would need a root canal. Of course I took my usual approach of simply ignoring this and assuming the problem would go away.

Fast forward to yesterday when the massive abscess in my mouth prompted a fun 10am root canal. The good news is I learned something, when there is a really bad infection it's really difficult to be fully frozen. The bad news is that I had to have a goddamned root canal without full freezing.

Every time I have a near death experience like this the overwhelming self pity always leads me to full on, gloves off on line dating. The pillows I fashioned for myself to mimic the big spoon of a man just didn't cut it and let's face it, no child needs their
drugged up, sweaty,swollen and downright revolting Mom asking them to cuddle. *shudder*

I do this all the time. Every last boyfriend I have had is the byproduct of the flu or a spoiled sub. I think that in some way it's insurance that I don't have to suffer alone the next time my nose is stuffy or my colon explodes.


Man. I need a hobby.