uhmm...what?

"It's dead! Dead like JESUS!!"



As a parent it shouldn't come as any surprise to hear outrageous things uttered from your children. An ill timed f-bomb, an exclamation that an old lady is wearing too much makeup in public is all part of the lovely parenting package.

Last night over dinner when my darling baby compared her roasted chicken to crucified Jesus....well, I can't possibly articulate how disturbed I was.

I'm a good parent, I swear.

This child terrifies me.

Fruits of my labour

This girl is in serious housewife mode. Either that or this is some crazy subconscious way of distracting me as I move into Day 7 smoke free



I will be the first to admit that I have a penchant for addictions. That said, I have successfully managed to turn a terrible one into a super awesome one, canning. So far I (well, *we* including this lassie

http://cookeatplayrepeat.blogspot.com/

have done dill pickles, dilly beans, peach jam and next apple butter. Today I finished up canning peaches and Thursday will be apple butter.

Next I have to manipulate my passion for B&J ice cream into finishing my basement and I am good to go.

It isn't always good to go on the cheap

I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes I make terrible mistakes.

This why you should NEVER give yourself a home pedicure when you have had a couple beers.

Often I forget about things that make me happy. This is actually kind of a great thing. It's always fun to stumble upon pictures or stories that you have long forgotten about only to rediscover how awesome they are.

This picture is not something I would ever forget about, however, I DID forget how much it makes me laugh. This is what happened, way back in the day, when my middle child didn't get what she wanted. Her Uncle Ben's refusal to continue a baseball game with her ended with one of the best pictures of my kids.

*shudder*

I think that the worst part of yesterday was when a spider was crawling on my upper lip.


This also reminded that I really must wax the girl stache.

Lesson learned.

For three days I have been putting off fixing the bathroom door. The hinges were a wee bit loose so just a quick minute with the screw driver would fix her right up. Needless to say the entire door fell of the hinges.




I would love to consider myself a handyman, however, I don't think that a real handyman would consider this a huge truimph:



I can't believe that I actually came up with a reasonable solution without freaking out. I'll fix it for realzies tomorrow.

Why am I not surprised?

Last week at work a Good Samaritan left a note on my windshield "Back tire needs air". Sometimes I really do have faith in humanity. Anyhoo...I filled it up and on my merry way I went.
It can't possibly be shock that during this basement reno a nail, sorry....screw impaled my tire. I really want to overcome the frustration I feel when stuff happens to my car. It isn't the money. I swear, I get browned off when I JUST have to buy windshield wipers. Two dollars? That is two dollars I will not relinquish without a fight.

Anyway...while trying to drum up a photo of Kenneth, the amazing mini van, I found the best picture that I had totally forgotten about. I love this picture more than I hate my car.

This pleases me

What's worse?

The fact that I have not one but TWO past fractures on my vertebra or the fact that my Mother has no recollection of me sustaining any injury that would support this?

This is the time when I REALLY wish I knew Paint. If I did I would create one hell of a Worlds Shittiest Mom poster.

At least Lily Tom loves me

Aging

Sucks.

My cholesterol is obscenely high and I just bitched my sciatic nerve. WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

So I had my appointment with the cardiologist yesterday. About a year ago while increasing my life insurance it was discovered that I have the cholesterol level of a morbidly obese 75 year old man. This was no surprise as there is a strong positive (this kind of positive is anything but) family history of early onset heart disease. In short, I have a defective liver. Now, it turns out that my doctor is a 4'11 Irishman who wears a terrible wig and the way he sings everything pretty much sounded like he was giving me good news so when he said "It's a birth defect of your liver" it almost sounded like he was telling me that I was beautiful and I just won a trip to Disney Land. Anyway, more medication to lower the culprit, some creepy test on my carotid artery and I get to do one of those awesome stress tests where you have to jog on a treadmill with some creepy cpap machine on your head. This makes Christie happy. I think I should invite a friend to take pictures.

Oh! I should also mention that yesterday I totally looked like an ice cream cone! Brown slacks, a pink shirt and a white vest. Super cute.

Yuck, I know

But in an obscenely morbid way I really admire those folks who actually succeed in their suicides. I mean, I am not exactly condoning the act, however, I would be lying if I said I wasn't amazed at the sort of strength it must take to actually pull that trigger, tighten that noose or open those veins. Most of us do whatever we can to avoid death and count our final breaths as our greatest fear. To actually have the active hand in our own deaths....is that not almost the ultimate in power? I am not talking about those fools who down their cat's tranquillizers or swallow shoelaces (please tell me I am not the only person who remembers that Kids in the Hall episode)...ugh...as usual I have lost my train of thought. Basically, don't kill yourself or else people will be sad. Binge eat instead!

What this world needs is a good anti suicide motto. Something awesome like the anti drug campaign "hugs, not drugs!" Any thoughts?

another list

Here is a list of things I will never do again.


1)Give birth

2)Pierce my ears

3)Have any part in drywalling

4)Eat an entire Lindor chocolate bar (large sized) and a bag of Crispy Minis with a bowl of Chicken Black Bean soup for dessert

5)Participate in the colon blow that was the result of Number 4

6)Drywall

7)Did I mention drywall?

8)Pretend I have a clue about home renovation

9)Have a good nights sleep

10)Drywall

Blah

Why today rates high on the Suck Meter:

1)I am dog tired, however, can not sleep.

2)I haven't showered in two days.

3)THERE IS NO FUCKING SUNSHINE.

4)Child #1 has a new teacher who spent most of today making "fart puddy" with the class. I am willing to bet the farm that this guy has had blond tips within the past three years.

5)I ripped BOTH armpits on my coat.

6)I found not one, not two but THREE HUGE centipedes in my basement.

7)My lips are perpetually chapped. Think 8 year old boy.



SO basically I am in a piss poor mood all around.

Hired hands.

People who hire people to do basement renovation are suckers....or don't have children.

I hope the girls are better with a circular saw than I am.

What I have learned

So in the very early stages of my basement renovation I have learned the following things:

1)No matter how empty your basement is there is still a shit load of crap that needs to be hauled out.

2)Law and Order SVU makes crow bar usage look WAY easier than it actually is.

3)Although I really want to stick it to my doubting parents and not wear eye protection....I most certainly will.

4)I really do love removing splinters.

5)This is going to be a LOT more work than I had anticipated.


So basically my newest project, now that knitting, sock monkeys and Halloween costumes are out of the way, is to finish a large part of my barren basement. While I am in no way a DIY I am super excited to get started, however, I am super excited to get started on a number of projects. Unfortunately this project can't be tucked under my bed or donated to the GoodWill. Should be interesting....