Sunday, December 29, 2013

Slow food and awesomeness

So this crocheting business is outta control.   Just about halfway through the second blanket and I am obsessed with crocheting golf cozies which is amazing since I have never golfed in my life.   I suspect that getting back to work, and no longer having the luxury of curling up with my yarns will prove to be an adjustment.   My nice break from work/derby/dance/gymnastics/homework help is almost at the end so I am optimizing my yarn time.

An OCTOPUS cozy.   Seriously.  It's amazing.



In equally amazing news....there is just something about a good bowl of soup.  Now, imagine a bowl of soup that  literally took 15.5 hours to make.  The chef took it upon himself to calculate the time.  Fifteen and a half hours.

Home made raman....those are home made NOODLES!  The best part?  I was in no way a part of the preparation.  I literally walked in the door, cracked a beer and sat down to the absolute most divine bowl of glory ever to grace my belly.   There is no greater treat than sitting down to eat a meal I had nothing to do with.

This was amazing.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh-mazing.



I later explained how divine this was to my girls.  My children, who were not blessed with my palette just asked why?  Mr. Noodles are only $0.35 a package.



*sigh*

Friday, December 27, 2013

The benefits of getting wiser

The older I get the more I realize that not everything is so black and white.  

Except for a few things.

A 6'4, 40 year old, blue eyed baby faced man wearing a Pageboy hat and singing Take this Waltz...while you buy yarn.

There.  The black and white answer to what is the hottest thing ever to grace this fine earth.

Entire.body.melted.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Christmas Eve Eve!

The anticipation of this Christmas is killing me.

I can't say for certain WHY it is that I am so excited.  I think it's because, with the exception of last Christmas, the past four or five years were kinda crappy.  I am cautiously optimistic that this year is going to kill it.

Anyhoo...every year I get a "family gift"  This year it is a SodaStream.  I will not rest until we all suffer from Type II Diabetes and excessive tooth decay.

So here we are, approaching 2014.  This year I have watched myself become a better parent.  I have grown a terrific set of balls and found my self esteem again.  I continue to try and be a kinder human being and if I am lucky this year will be just as grand.

So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all I know and love.   You make me so very happy.  You make me want to be better.

xoxox



Thursday, December 19, 2013

Just gonna roll with it

I got this fortune the other day....



...and I loved it.  Sometimes the universe talks to me in funny ways.

And I finally realized that I just need to roll with it.  I over analyse waaaay too much instead of just sitting back and enjoying things for what they are.

Take my insomnia.   I fret about, thinking that it's because of the recent change in my work surroundings or because the kids are gone.  Was my garlic planted deep enough?  Why aren't there any birds coming to my feeeeeeders?!   Did I unplug the cofffee maker?

Ya know what?  Maybe it's just Jesus's way of telling me that I need more time to do my own shit.  Just get up and have fun.

Like FINALLY figuring out how to do cat eye make up.....and taking the least crazy looking selfie I am capable of..


Or crocheting the COOLEST golf sock for that special chap I know.....




Whatever works

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The pitfalls of happiness

Whenever I'm feeling giddy as a school girl I seem to forget all about sleep.

Oh my old friend, insomnia.  Nice to see you back. Yabbering into the wee hours, word games and crocheted flowers.   

I feel like I'm 18 again.  18 in the body of a 65 year old who has a fuck ton of crap to do and really needs to start wrapping presents and gearing up for the best Christmas ever.

Tonight I'll sleep.

Or try and figure out how to crochet a octopus.  Or a frog.   So much glorious yarn looking for a purpose.




Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Gawd

Off season is kinda killing me.

So I made this
And then I made slippers


And now I'm attempting ridonkulous golf cozies for a certain macho doode I know.

I need my skates back.

Soon....  I just found a cute dog coat for a little dog.  And now I want to get a little dog to justify it.

Jebus take the wheel

Monday, December 16, 2013

A glass of bourbon

That's what I am.  A glass of bourbon.  But with legs and super hot.

I'm all warm inside and intoxicating.  Yay!  Typically I am not a glass of bourbon.  More like a gin and tonic.  Cold and slightly bitter but still awesome.

I blame Christmas.

And it's soooooo close.  

My Christmas shopping has not gone as smoothly as I had anticipated and yesterday I felt an all too familiar feeling that I had not experienced in well over a year.  Rage.  Just kidding.  I felt two things.  Rage and hatred.

Rage and hatred are two of the most deceiving and useless emotions us silly humanzzz allow ourselves to let in.  With me, my inherent love for exaggeration can make the most trivial thing become that proverbial molehill.  And that's ok because the good news is that when I sit back and think, rage and hatred simply becomes an annoyance and pity.  Two very real and healthy feelings.  Not rage, an exhaustive waste of energy.  Hatred, think about it.  Do you ACTUALLY hate anyone?  I don't.  I feel really sorry for people which can often lead to being taken advantage of.  That "rage" I'm feeling is actually being disappointed and ashamed at myself for allowing myself to be made a fool of again.  Hell hath no fury like the morally superior being had.

Ah the feelings that feel the feelers.

So the other day I was once again reminded of how fleeting life is.  And fragile.  Healthy folks can have their lives taken on a dime and while this simply isn't fair it is also without prejudice and can come without a shred of warning.   My own mortality is often at the back of my mind.  (But thanks, Martin, for that ciggie!) and that scares me.  But what scares me most is the idea that I have wasted minutes of this life of mine on things that do not matter when I have so much in front me.

Like the Sunday night potluck


HOMEMADE RAMEN!!!!

Chatter and good food always puts things into perspective.  Being around healthy, kind and interesting folks always serves as a reminder of how lucky we are.   So, rage and hatred annoyance and pity have been replaced with Christmas wrapping WHICH IS THE BEST PART and Christmas Cheer and feelings of pure gratitude for this wonderful life o' mine.

I'm a glass of Bourbon.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Just Kidding!

Maybe I don't love last minute Christmas shopping.

Ok.  To be fair, it's a Sunday before Christmas and I had just foolishly had a stupid text disagreement but I swear, that asshole at Walmart deserved my harsh words.

I will never understand why people feel the need to bully 15 year old, overwhelmed check out kids.  Gads.  Drives me nuts.  The good news is that I was able to project my irritation at the aforementioned douche text spat at this real life douche.  It felt good, not gonna lie!

Anyway, between figuring out what the hell to bring to dinner tonight (thanks Mr. D. for saving my ass on this one), trying to decide what kind of flowers to send a friend who was so cruelly diagnosed with the bad kind of cancer right before Christmas AND not having a clue what to get my lovely "tween" daughter and feeling hopeless with my shopping I came upon this.....

The greatest gift fit for my mother in law in the history of the world.

 Mouston Fucking Abbey, Yo!

What??!  Crocheted MICE made into a book a la her favourite teevee show ever!  AH-MAZING.  

Christmas Miracle!




Saturday, December 14, 2013

Rah Rah!!!

There is something so outrageously soothing about a no plan Saturday.  Crocheting beside the lovely Christmas Tree while drinking a latte and watching the snow fall.

I'm 80 years old.  And totally ok with that.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Holy Hell!

I will be free of all parental responsibility in less than 24 hours... for an entire weeeeeek!

I gotta say this full time work from home gig is ah-mazing.  Not only am I getting a ton of work done I have been forced to become fairly organized AND have learned to install a bunch of shit all by myselviess.  It has also taken a ton of pressure and stress off my life and I actually feel like a lady of luxury while still toiling about like a working poor slug.  It's amazing.

So, after the whole Gary + fridge + Lindor chocolate X three boxes + a chicken carcass I FINALLY put on the baby latch on the fridge.  This provides peace of mind so that I can go out and grab myself an outrageously expensive caloric disaster in the form of an eggnog latte and putter about the mall.  Filled with moral superiority as I watch crusty grumps piss about as I enjoy every minute of the cheap Christmas Carols, over spending and over heated joy that it is the mall.


12 more sleeps!!!



Monday, December 9, 2013

yay!!!

Christmas tree decorated?   Check
National Lampoons Christmas vacation/swisschalet tradition complete?  Check
Christmas baking done?   Check


GAHHHH   I am so pumped for this year.

Now, I haven't really started my shopping.  Good news is I am one of the rare souls who LOVES Christmas shopping in mall with all the busy.

I've also decided to semi devote myself to winter sports.  By winter sports I mean ATVing and tobogganing.

Now I just need to find an ATV and a toboggan.


YAY!!!!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Whoda thunk it!

I just realized something.

Taking the tv out of your bedroom
+No longer smoking ciggies or funzies
+Eating well
+Excessive laughter
+Family
+Roller derby
+Financial clarity
+Quality cheese
+Regular cardio and strength training
+Crafts

= The key to happiness and fulfilment

36 and finally got it.

I think this picture is worth repeating.




In other, derby related news...I *think* I have finally come up with my derby name "No Impulse Control"
Might as well put my best worst quality to work.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Yep

I could spend about a million hours tooting my own horn.  There really is no end to how awesome I am at everything.  I'm an amazing mother, outstanding cook, terrific girlfriend, compassionate pet owner.  Funny, attractive, smart, financially independent and just a generally well rounded lassie.  Pretty much the  best person ever.

But I am grossly disorganized.

Like really.

Like the time I messed up and went into work and saw the big empty bin there, waiting for me to pack up all my shit and leave.  Pretty much the most lacklustre escape from the office life in recorded history.

Or the time I forgot everything and the world exploded.


And then I get a wee bit stressed and have a nice hot relaxing bath followed by a foot rub and decide to rearrange all the furniture.

Have you ever asked your self how many times a person can move a piano in one evening before they can be considered certifiably insane?  Good news!  I have the answer.  Four.  Moving your piano four times in one night makes you bat shit crazy

But...

IT'S AWESOME!!!!!    My living room is sooooo cozy now.  AND yesterday was my favourite person's birthday so I whipped up a spinach/ricotta cheese/chicken manacotti(remember how amazing I am) followed by an apple pecan puff pastry dessert and fled to the nursery.  This year I splurged on the most beautiful tree in the world and my living room smells divine.

Now that derby is in the offseason I will fill that slot with kettle ball class until I can slip back into my skates.

Everything is accounted for.

Now I just need that cat to make it all complete.