This pleases me

What's worse?

The fact that I have not one but TWO past fractures on my vertebra or the fact that my Mother has no recollection of me sustaining any injury that would support this?

This is the time when I REALLY wish I knew Paint. If I did I would create one hell of a Worlds Shittiest Mom poster.

At least Lily Tom loves me

Aging

Sucks.

My cholesterol is obscenely high and I just bitched my sciatic nerve. WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

So I had my appointment with the cardiologist yesterday. About a year ago while increasing my life insurance it was discovered that I have the cholesterol level of a morbidly obese 75 year old man. This was no surprise as there is a strong positive (this kind of positive is anything but) family history of early onset heart disease. In short, I have a defective liver. Now, it turns out that my doctor is a 4'11 Irishman who wears a terrible wig and the way he sings everything pretty much sounded like he was giving me good news so when he said "It's a birth defect of your liver" it almost sounded like he was telling me that I was beautiful and I just won a trip to Disney Land. Anyway, more medication to lower the culprit, some creepy test on my carotid artery and I get to do one of those awesome stress tests where you have to jog on a treadmill with some creepy cpap machine on your head. This makes Christie happy. I think I should invite a friend to take pictures.

Oh! I should also mention that yesterday I totally looked like an ice cream cone! Brown slacks, a pink shirt and a white vest. Super cute.

Yuck, I know

But in an obscenely morbid way I really admire those folks who actually succeed in their suicides. I mean, I am not exactly condoning the act, however, I would be lying if I said I wasn't amazed at the sort of strength it must take to actually pull that trigger, tighten that noose or open those veins. Most of us do whatever we can to avoid death and count our final breaths as our greatest fear. To actually have the active hand in our own deaths....is that not almost the ultimate in power? I am not talking about those fools who down their cat's tranquillizers or swallow shoelaces (please tell me I am not the only person who remembers that Kids in the Hall episode)...ugh...as usual I have lost my train of thought. Basically, don't kill yourself or else people will be sad. Binge eat instead!

What this world needs is a good anti suicide motto. Something awesome like the anti drug campaign "hugs, not drugs!" Any thoughts?

another list

Here is a list of things I will never do again.


1)Give birth

2)Pierce my ears

3)Have any part in drywalling

4)Eat an entire Lindor chocolate bar (large sized) and a bag of Crispy Minis with a bowl of Chicken Black Bean soup for dessert

5)Participate in the colon blow that was the result of Number 4

6)Drywall

7)Did I mention drywall?

8)Pretend I have a clue about home renovation

9)Have a good nights sleep

10)Drywall