Regrets, I have a few. (Ok, a lot)

Gads. Why can't I just get shit out of my head. While I may have difficulty forgiving others I absoLUTEly have a great deal of difficulty forgiving myself.

I dunno. Maybe it's the summer, maybe it's the freedom or maybe it's the new bathroom but I am in a great mood and also quite reflective these days. I actually thinks its the garden. Puttering about while listening to Leonard Cohen.

Anyway, my regrets-

1). Never went to university. I likely never will. Time to get this one out of my head. It doesn't make me stupid. It doesn't make me less worthy. It just means I took a different path. I have a pretty good job and with minimal effort will be climbing the corporate rungs.

2). My divorce. Silly. It's been years but from time to time I still ponder what life would have been like had we stayed married. I also wonder, if I were to be totally honest, if I will ever love someone as deeply as I loved him. Maybe one day :0)

3). I never took dance. Stupid and easy to fix. Guess who finally signed herself up for tap!

4). I should have enjoyed the time more when the kids were wee babies. Everyone tells you the time goes quickly but until you experience it no one can prepare themselves for how quickly it all zooms by. I miss the smell of a bald baby head. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to bring myself back to those days. It isn't easy.

5). My last big breakup. Not the superficial ones but the big one. I wish I hadn't said 90% of the shit I said. While I no doubt meant it it was mean and beneath me. I should have said thank you for letting me try to love again and helping prepare for this time around. For building me a gorgeous deck, a breathtaking garden and showing me how much I can love a terrible dog and how fun it can be to eat smoked meat in bed and not worry about all the other shit that might be tumbling down around me.

6). Lack of direction. I've never had any and to this day it still escapes me.

It feels good to sit back and write it all out. When I read this I realize that I am a pretty fortunate lassie. I look forward to the days when I no longer have to remind myself of this. Just sit back and enjoy the peaceful freedom of appreciating my nice, simple, fulfilling life.