Dear Derby. I am conflicted.

I'm starting to now really feel the effect that this derby thing is having over my life.   Turns out it demands quite a bit out of my life.  It's very much like a committed relationship.

A smothering relationship that literally bruises me.  Repeatedly.

So I ask myself.  Am I any good?   Well, objectively speaking the answer is a firm No.   I'm not being hard on myself.  I am being realistic.   I'm also being realistic when I say that I am giving this shit 100%.   I always leave the arena a sweaty mess.   These days I am repeatedly hit.  Two hours, getting checked.     When I think back to my first few weeks where I couldn't stand for more than five minutes before wiping out and bruising my tail bone it amazes me how much I have improved.   My first 25 in 5 I managed 6 laps.  Now I'm averaging 22.   Can I deliver a quality, legal full body hit?  Hahaha.  Not even close.  Can I give a mediocre lower hit?  Yep!   I can now confidently slowplow, often times so well that my wheels make that awwwwwwwwwesome sound.  Yesterday I did 20 real sit ups in 1 minute.  Would a fit person laugh when I boast about that?  Yep!  But holy shit, I haven't been able to even a single one in years.   That right there is amazeballs.     Am I derby skating good?  hahaha.  No.  Could I rock a roller rink on family days?  Absolutely!

I have been making every effort to constantly remind myself of my improvements rather than focusing on the losses.   It's a process and in my case it's a slower one.    Minimums testing is right around the corner and I would be extremely surprised if I passed.   No matter how hard I try there are still things I just can't get.    Third times the charm!  The first time around I passed all of the derby skills but few of the skating skills.   This time I am really excited to see how many MORE of the the skating skills I pass.  I have some that I think I might pass and some I know I wont.  I am looking forward to getting an objective assessment


So what the problem?

Well, currently it's a lot of time.  I have derby practice and soon it will be four hours a week.  I see a  derby trainer individuall and will be starting  kettlebell classes soon.  I'm running again to improve my cardio and even joined a 5K.  I eat for derby, work out six days a week for derby.  Time.  Time that I love.  Time that, for the most part, I will move mountains for.  Lots of time.  And I have to take away other time to make way for this time.

It really is a personal life crusher.

And it's just going to get busier.   But while weighing the pros and cons of continuing it always weighs in derby's favour.