Anything you can do I can do better.

About two months ago I noticed the hive.

I want to  be clear,  this girls loves her pollinators. Loves em. I have devoted my front garden to them, even bought a super sweet home for them AND intend on joining a workshop to learn not only how to construct a bee hive but to actually KEEP bees.

So I was actually kinda excited to see a nest of some sort. Did my eco adventures of the spring and summer pay off? Did I channel my inner Snow White by intuitively luring them to my home?!

How exciting!

What kind  could they be?

TO THE INTERWEBZ to discover what kind of amazing pollinator I have invited to my home!

Paper wasps.

Fuck.

Naturally I ignored the problem and waited until life hit the fan to decide it had to go NOW!


I'm sorry, did you say $220 to remove it professionally? Yeah, no. This sounded like a job made for me. Remember how I vowed to grab life by the balls? What better way to prove my prowess, my ability, my inherent manliness!

So I made a hat out of my dim sum steamer and tulle I had laying around. There was no way I was dropping cash for a bee hat and the last thing I needed was a bunch of stings on my face. I also managed to withstand the kind words of encouragement from my kids.

"Oh god, you can't be serious"
"Can I video this? I won't show anyone because this is way more embarrassing for me"
"Please don't leave the house looking like that"



First attempt included being overcome with fear of the ladder. Decided that we would be friends. Cant we all just get along?

Second attempt I'm up there. I'm ready. I'm about to fire. OH FUCK THEY ARE COMING OUT!!

NO third try.  I'll just call the surrogate husband. NO. I won't. I will do it...just after I watch Django Unchained for the fourth time.

Fourth shot is the charm! Just calm nerves, THC courage.... Man, Leonard Cohen is ah-MAZING!  Where did these sour patch kids come from!    

Wait...what was I doing again?

Ok. This is it. Ugh, you know what? It's almost winter. It'll die soon enough and I really should just lea...wait...is that a wasp in my room?

So me and Joe Strummer killed that mofo.....over the course of three days.

I raise a glass of Dalwhinnie to toast just one more thing I can do by my very self.