Saved by The League.

The other night I thought I was having a heart attack.

My arm was killing me and I was feeling miserable and I thought "wow, this is it"

I'm also kind of a hypochondriac.

Anyhoo...feeling as though life was truly and totally not worth living anymore I did the reasonable thing. I scrawled some shit on a piece of paper about where all of my insurance papers etc are and I had a shower and PUT ON MAKEUP. I made my bed and lay down, waiting patiently for the cold hand of death to come grab me.

I am not at all dramatic.

Most people fight this shit but for someone who has spent the better half of the past 2 months secretly hoping I would die in a firey car crash, well, this was an opportunity I couldn't pass up! No trauma, no potential for needless injuries to others. Just a quiet without incident natural death.

So, I lay in bed, delighted with my good fortune and how clever I was being. Premature death without the nasty stigma of suicide. And looking GOOD.

And then I started worrying. Did Gary have enough food to last him for a night? Should I leave a note on the door, ensuring that it isn't the kids that find me in my fabulous outfit and pristine makeup? Am I going to shit myself? God, my kids.

Crap. Before the heart attackI should totally make sure all the bills are paid.

Ok, bills are paid. BACK TO THE DEATH BED! My heart attack not yet progressing. I figured that, much like labour and delivery, heart attack have to progress. I'll just lay here all pretty, waiting to quietly pass.

What if Gary eats the piece of paper that tells who ever finds me where to find the important shit? Ugghhh. I should get up and put the files on the kitchen table.

Ok. All set. Heart attack, come now. I am ready. It is my time.

Wait...why am I laughing!?! I should be succumbing to my heart attack and not thinking about the ghost monkey song.

*sigh*. Here's the thing. My heart attack seems to be slowing down. I'm not gonna die and I gotta get shit done.

First things first, sit down and write a list. A well thought out list of things within the last year that are actually terrible.

1). Stephen Harper
2). My cat died
......
......nothing

Good, now write a list of the amazing.

1). Everything.

Sometimes the line separating the absurdly dramatic and the seriously problematic is blurred.

I think next time I have a heart attack I will see a doctor. It better yet, I'll just stretch better after derby.

Depression can be hard work sometimes. It's also unfair. Right when everything is grand and good it hits you like a ton of terrible, irrational bricks.