Of course!

While driving home from my run and practice today (these 30 pounds aren't going to lose themselves) I was minding my own business at a red light, patiently waiting to turn left.  Busy singing along to the Supremes at the top of my lungs it took me a moment to hear it.  The honk. A frantic honk. A desperate honk. I turned my head to see a man, urgently giving me the "ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW SO I CAN TELL YOU YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE" gesture.

Alarmed, I rolled that bad boy down, preparing for the worst.

"Hey! Your car is almost over the white line. It makes it hard for people to turn right at the lights"

I would like to point out that he was going straight and totally capable of coming up right beside me in his stupid truck.

Anyhoo, relieved that I dodged a horrible death by car fire I politely thanked him for his helpful tip. After all, I'm just a quiet little woman who had lost her voice and I felt ashamed.  How will I recover from this grand transgression?  Will he forgive me?  WON'T ANYONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

Alas, he wasn't letting it go.  Sensing my weakness and fuelled with misogynistic fury he went for it.

"Yeah, SWEETHEART, you might want to go to a parking lot and practice. "

Oh....no.....he.....didn't!

I am not sure where it came from.  Perhaps it was the refined sugar and wheat withdrawl,  maybe I was just feeling invincible as I finally successfully transitioned INTO a tomahawk.  Perhaps I was edgy as I have cut out 75% of my caffeine intake.  It doesn't matter.  What DOES matter is I went for it.

Thanks for the tip! By the way...GO FUCK YOURSELF

My need for the upper hand not satisfied and my soul not at all placated I decided, at that very moment that as God as my witness I was going to go RIGHT.  I gassed my filthy Mom car in a way only an infuriated and slighted feminist could.  I  maneuvered right and deliberately cut him off.  His tires squealed as he hit his breaks to avoid collision. I could have hit an old lady.

The crowd went wild!  The signs all said GO BOLT!!! and slighted motorists as far as Scotland came to cheer me on!  You can do it!  You CAN!   Paula Abdul waved the flag and We Are the Champions blasted into the sky, along with the balloons, marking my victory.

I might have made that last part up.


Pro Tip- Don't screw with a woman who found her voice again.


Sweetheart. You have got to be kidding me.