Le sigh

Why is "real writing" so hard?  One would think that the mere action of transcribing endless handwritten musings into to actual documents would be a huge inspiration.  This matched with a the flooding of ideas after a three year writers block I would expect....well.....better.  Instead I am stuck on punctuation and grammar skills (of which I have none)  I am stuck in a circular motion of whatthefuckery.   The great thing about blogging is that it satisfies my itch to write and my penchant for hyperbole without worrisome little details such as the fact that I write like a kid in a fourth grade remedial English class. It's ok if it's just a blurred haze of jibberjabber.  No coherent or fluid thoughts.  Just a spewing of wordy vomit.

TO THE VOMIT!!!

There are several things bothering me these days.

1).   I am a firm believer in Karma.  You get what you give.   And I am paying for allll my past shittiness.  I am certain that bouncing that super nice fellow whose only crime was contracting an unfortunate viral infection has resulted in not one but TWO cold sores on my face.   Or it could be the weather.  Or stress.  Fuck it...I will not apologize.  I have enough problems as it is to invite a lifelong battle of genital sores.  And thank you Dan for bringing to my attention the herpes monkeys in Florida.  If all the retirees,  extreme heat and general horribleness that is Florida didn't scare me off the goddamn monkeys have.  And to think...I used to love monkeys.

2).  Why the hell can't I skate backwards?  It shouldn't be hard!  I figured out crossovers for chrissakes and tripled my speed in six weeks, yet I can not skate backwards.  Sure, I can accidentally start rolling backwards, my attempts at using that momentum to rock the backwards skate only resulting in some pretty awesome wipe outs.  But that's it.  My body literally chokes and I end up with a trainer literally holding my hand which only results in a flashback of me in the sixth grade being forced to go iceskating in class and my pervy teacher falling on me while holding my hands....likely the result of him being pulled down by a 12 year old who likely outweighed him by 50 pounds.

3).  "Upgrading from awesome to spectacular"-words from an ex boyfriends facebook post a few months after we broke up.  That shit KILLED my innards.  To this day it pulls on my heartstrings.  I am a downgrade?  She's an upgrade?  Aren't we both.......people?  Not a computer or new coffee maker.   Isn't posting something like that only a poor reflection of him and not me?   Is "awesome"  a consolation prize?  Afterall,  it COULD have read "Upgrading from fat thundercunt to spectacular"  That would have been way worse.  Scratch that.  I'm a goddammed awesomely spectacular rock star.  God, it's so good to have my self esteem back!

4).  Along those lines, why didn't accidentally tagging myself in said upgrades photos bother me more?  That's a reflection of me!  Sure, my face was red for 3 days and my guts turned but I actually laughed at my hearty whoops moment.

5).  Finally....when ordering a deluxe....errrrr..".thing" meant for one WHY was I sent another free deluxe "thing" meant for TWO?  Is the Universe taunting me for bouncing the world greatest sex machine just because he was feeble minded?   Who cares....whoever has a penis and a girl friend and celebrates their birthday next is getting one hell of a present.


I think that's it.

Just kidding.  In an effort to stop boring people with FB updates only related to roller derby I think I am going to use this as a derby only journal of sorts.  I honestly think that in a year I'll be playing.  I wear a significant amount of pride on my sleeve for how far I have come and I never want to forget how far I have come.  Life has always just kinda come to me with little to no effort.  It's quite something to actually work for something and see the results.   I'm the best of the worst!!!!