Awww. Abbie

Abbie moved back with her Dad. It was with a very heavy heart that I said goodbye.

It's a no brainer with kids when folks split. Both parties get them in one capacity or another and no matter how bad the split, you just have to eat a lot of shit, suck it up and make it work.

But you don't really have to with dogs. Sure, some people make it work but I just didn't have it in me in this round of assholeexhattery to put in that effort. God bless every.single.one of my friends who urged me at the time to make a clean break and eliminate every shred of relationship past for never uttering the dreaded words "I told you so" when it became unbearable having her here.

Alas, it's another transition. I worry about her. I worry that she won't be cared for, loved the way she was here. I worry that once she becomes a road block in the life of her owner that she too will be tossed aside.

Because isn't that what I did? She stopped being a part of the family that I loved and cared for and became a reminder of an extremely painful part of my life. I resented her.

It's hard for me to reconcile this in my mind because now that the dust has settled and my life is exactly where it was before she came into it.....well, fuck me, now I ask myself if I hate her Dad more than I loved her?

I have spent years dedicating myself to martyrdom and only now am I admitting this. Eating shit is fine when it's both parties trying....but when the line between being compassionate and being a total doormat is blurred, it becomes tricky. I couldn't keep her without feeling taken advantage of! Who has two thumbs and feels like a total shitbag? THIS GIRL. I just couldn't get past it.

What's done is done. Goodbye sweet Abbie. I wish I was a bigger person and that you could still be running around with your little pack. I miss seeing you wait at the window for the girls to arrive from school, I miss your dog hugs and your hilariously guilty face. I know that you likely have already forgotten about us all. I know that you will have a wonderful life.

I'll go out tonight and have a scotch in your name. I love you and I miss you.