Happiness

I recently reconnected with an old friend from many years ago. Yesterday he made his way down from the big city to join me in a day of wandering.

First let me say that on our travels we stumbled upon a cured sausage COATED IN PARMESAN CHEESE and considering that cured meat and cheese top my list of favourite things, well, the day was off to a good start.

So, we had our sausage and began our frolic. Walking, driving, taking El Doggo to the river. All in all a lovely day.

Out of nowhere he poses the question "Are you happy?". Now this question came as a bit of a shock given we had spent the better half of 10 hours frolicking and laughing like idiots but he smiled and I knew that this was the time for the deep, philosophical portion of our time together!

We discussed the meaning of happiness and how we are able to reconcile the good and the bad and the downright ugly and move forward.

And of course the topic of my marriage came up

My divorce isn't something I dwell on but rather something I always refer to when the topic of moving forward and finding happiness again comes up. You see, it was by far my greatest learning experience.

That was the time where I lost everything. My home, my husband, any immediate plans for an education and a hell of a lot of money in legal fees. I thought I would die. I thought I was finished.

Hindsight is 20/20. I never lost myself. I always had my children.

What a Goddamned shame it would be to allow the failures to shape our lives rather than the lessons we learned from them. We can't go back in time and changed what happened. Running away to a happier time doesn't bring happiness, it's reflecting on our experiences and learning how to be better human beings that does. It's personal growth and the ability to recognize our weaknesses and take action and not allow ourselves to be stuck in a time that is no longer. How can we possibly be happy and subsequently succeed when we are still reaching for a branch that can not support our weight? Don't get me wrong, we have to go out on a limb from time to time, however, to be happy is the ability to laugh at the broken rib should the branch give way!

I don't have a lot and many could argue that my life is mediocre. I don't desire a life where I "have it all". I'm good with just a few pieces here and there. I have had my fair share of bumps and bruises but I can still genuinely laugh at the day. Things, money, people, they come and go as they please. It's the person I see in the mirror that will be my only guarantee in my life.

What it all came down to, three hours later after too many coffees at 4am, is that we need to be accepting of our pasts, that we need to be content with ourselves, right this moment because for all we know this could be it. We cant confuse this with complacency but we need to be just fine with our lives WHILE taking the steps to improve them. How can we ever achieve actual happiness without first settling into the comfort that is our being? That's the key. Right there.

And I am very happy.