I have been saving a few of my favourite texts I have received over the past few months. I will omit names to protect the guilty.
"I'm eating ribs in my underwear"
"Stop thinking with your pussy. You're worse than a man"
"I don't know about you but I think we need to bring back freak shows. There seem to be an awful lot of albinos in Newmarket"
"You have won the life lottery!"
"Dating sites should be for people who want to date. What is this, Fuck Me University?"
"Sorry Mom, but you have to tell me why you are forcing me to take worm medication or else I just won't do it"
"Cock piercings are always a deal breaker."
"Ummm we think u are one of our veeeery favorie ppl om this earth. And you will get through this shit patch. And when u do you will be stronger.... Also DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY ELLIOTT SMITH"
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