UHm...what?

So last night I went out with some friends to a pub for a pint (maybe two). I was blissfully unaware that it was open mike night. Nuff said.

Let me first say that I was feeling pretty accomplished, having not been assaulted on my way to my car. Yay me! Perhaps this is why I felt so invincible when I had a hankering for some peanut butter cups and decided to stop at a pretty sketchy store.

As I approached the store I saw a "gentleman" and his dog. Perhaps I was feeling nostalgic over the recent loss of Abbie. Perhaps I still felt like Superman after surviving a walk in Victoria park without a mugging. In any event, I asked to pet the dog. Of course some chit chat ensued. How old was the dog? What breed? Name? I thanked the guy for letting me pet his dog and went inside.

I couldn't help but notice I was being given the stink eye by our very own Methadone poster child. I wasn't sure what to think of it so I very nicely smiled. As she leaves SHE INTENTIONALLY SHOULDER CHECKS ME! Speechless (and scared shitless) I pay and I then see why she was so outraged. Dude with the dog was clearly her main squeeze. I only gathered this because she was royally screaming at him.

Perhaps it was a lot of pent up anger, frustration at these past few months.....but I walked out of that store with my head held high with no intention of causing a problem, but fully preparing for a smack down. You see, years of living with two older sisters has prepared me well for the brutality of women and really, I likely suffered more concussions by my 18th than this broad has at the hands shitty boyfriends. Also, my mouth is my biggest downfall.

This was the exchange, to the very best of my recollection:

(I'll assume she had a stripper name like Amber or Carly or Crystal)

Crystal: you moving on my man?

Me: I don't know who your man is but I am pretty certain my answer is no.

Crystal: you think you're better than me?

Me: Right now I do.

Crystal: (this was all a blur. Mostly profanities)

Me: *blinkblink*

Crystal: Ok. Let's go!

Me: Where?

Crystal: fuck you, bitch.

Me: Ok, well I best be going.

Crystal: Yea THAT'S what I thought.

So I get in my car and discover an accusing text from my daughter, chastising me for being past my curfew by 5 minutes.

Life is so very odd sometimes.

In other news, this years Halloween party theme is slutty barnyard animals!