Closure is great, yes? We don't always have the luxury of wrapping everything up in a shiny new ribbon and sending it off. Often times it take awhile but once it's there...just a sigh of relief.
Years ago my sister told me that the opposite of love is indifference. I didn't believe her until one day I looked at my ex husband and thought "Hey, remember when I loved him? Crazy!"
Anyway, the other day an ex swung by to grab some stuff of his I found while clearing out the closets. It struck me that my only thought was....How could I have been in love with someone with blond tips, a terrible tattoo* and who kinda resembles a washed up and bloated Justin Timberlake a la Dick in a Box? Not that I am in any position to judge the appearance of others. I haven't shaved in like, 2 weeks and it wouldn't kill me to cut out the chocolate. I wont even get into my adult onset acne. FUCK YOU PIMPLE FAIRY!!!!!
Nonetheless it is what it is and then it's not and I do feel fortunate that I was able to say some kind things to him that I meant. Genuine words. Afterall, I AM glad that I met him and I AM glad that we spent some time together because I genuinely had some fun times. He used to be a really good friend and, in my own way, if I were to be totally honestly I might always love him in some way.
But that doesn't change the fact that I think he might be a terrible. If not terrible just the complete opposite of who I would want to associate myself with. Someone else's problem, so to speak. Don't get me wrong. I too am terrible. Just in different ways. I care about people and he unapologetically vacations on an Indian Reservation peppered with alcoholism and tragedy and a single school...where the children all enjoy the luxury of an eight grade education. But what do know? I can't even afford a tent! That being said, this fucking guy is McGyver. He has a vision for things that I actually think is a gift and I'm all "Hey, maybe putting this metal rod in the electrical outlet will help things" He has an enormous amount of common sense where most days I don't know what side is up or down. He can be tremendously rational and I could burn down my car during really bad moments of PMS. He has never known a day of hard work where I feel as though I have crawled and climbed just to stay afloat. My point is that in his way he's great and in my way I'm great and sometimes oil and vinegar mix well and make a sweet dressing. However, sometimes it doesn't matter how much of this and that you find in the cupboards to add to it it'll only end up tasting like garbage. It's best to just dump and start over. He finds avocado oil and I find fig balsamic. Case closed. There's just no need to keep the shitty salad dressing in the back in the fridge.
Which brings me to the ACTUAL point of this post. You know, because I actually have a lot of shit I have to accomplish before heading to Toronto this weekend.
Part of closure included blocking the boy from my phone and life, leaving it all on a positive note using the magical amazing-ness of a block feature. Now that I have transformed myself into the financial wizard you see before you I decided that there was no WAY I was gonna drop $5.00 on only ONE person.
TO MY CONTACTS!!
I decided to go ahead and not only delete the past year and a half worth of dating history but to go ahead and BLOCK them for good measure. I need to be clear. Most of these fellows I long forgot about and there is no doubt the feeling is mutual. But I had a lifetimes worth of closet garbage dumped out onto my floor that HAD TO BE ORGANIZED RIGHT NOW!!! So naturally blocking totally irrelevant people from my phone was the pressing concern.
If you don't laugh you cry.
Here is a brief description of a few just to give you a clear idea of my escapades
1) 25, only ate chicken nuggets "You will cry when you see what I eat" was his fair warning. I did. I wept for humanity.
2) Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous....thought the Geneva Convention was a place.
3) Penis looked like a cartoon character. I put glasses on it. Didn't go over well. I still laugh.
4) Had a non ironic moustache, 42 and taught spin classes. Was looking for a "classy ladie" I didn't notice the miss spell until 10 minutes before I had to leave to meet him. When I told him I just didn't "feel it" he assured me he was really smart and wealthy.
5) Had a Japanese tattoo* which meant Strength. A quick Google search brings up a tattoo that looks nothing like his tattoo.
Uhm yeah. My bad. I think I should become a professional cautionary tale.
*I have a terrible tattoo. I am clearly projecting.
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